So, when I heard our executive retreat would be at the naked Stables Private Reserve my first thought was good luck explaining THAT on my expense report.  Yikes!  No, you don’t ride naked on the horses through the China countryside…ouch.  The “naked” part refers to the natural, organic experience this resort creates in the Yangtze River Delta in the tiny town of Moganshan four hours outside Shanghai.

After the bus ride from Hell, where we were taking bets on how many times our bus would hit other cars (luckily only once!) we barreled up the mountain dodging log trucks on the hairpin turns.  I put on my headphones and closed my eyes so as not to have a heart attack.  Almost as scary as that bus ride in Vietnam.  Why do I keep having these death defying bus experiences???  Luckily we made it there in one piece and didn’t get lost like my peers did, wandering in the dark for hours.  There’s no GPS or cell coverage out in the wilds of China so kiss your ass good bye if you don’t have good directions going into the trip.

As we entered the stone and wood lobby, I wondered how on earth did they build such a swanky (and eco-friendly) resort in the middle of nowhere China???  There were large villas and thatch roofed yurts dotting the hillsides along with stables on the 60 acres.  Land Rover has one of their few “experience centers” where they will take you on a thrilling mountain ride in their cars–no thanks!  One of my peers took the ride and his video shows an adventure I do not want to experience, hurling down mountain muddy roads to showcase the ruggedness of their product.  No thanks, I’ll take their word for it and, besides, I would never spend that much on a vehicle.

Speaking of vehicles, there are no cars allowed within the resort so you get around with the aid of golf carts.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure out how to call the desk to get one sent to my Yurt so I set out to try and walk till I came upon one racing up and down the roads.  As I walked with my bag, backpack, etc. I came upon the local ladies walking up the mountain to come to work at the resort.  They laughed at me walking aimlessly and waved me to join them.  I did and it amused them to no end.  When a cart did race by with several members of my group, I waved good bye to my new friends and hopped on the cart to make the journey.  Later in the day, I ran into one of my ladies in the resort and she gave me a huge smile.  She won’t forget this crazy Laowai any time soon!

In addition to horses, the resort offers several pools, spa services, pottery classes, hiking on paths, dumpling making classes (they were yummy!), archery and bars/restaurants galore.  The food and service was very good.  Whoever runs this resort, they know their stuff.  Not inexpensive but worth every penny.

My Yurt was gorgeous and had it’s own patio/outdoor shower and large round bed.  I am totally bringing Thom and our friends, Patti and Larry, back here in October.  While I don’t relish the ride getting there (a long four hours in bad traffic getting out of Shanghai) you can take the train to Hangzhou and then get the resort to pick you up.  I look forward to having some quality time in the countryside, wandering with Thom on the hillsides looking for pandas among the bamboo forest. I love our time in the cities exploring the street life and historical sites but I look forward to more time spent in the countryside exploring another side of our new home.  Of course, it helps to stay in a high end resort with bathrooms and bars while I’m doing it.  🙂

Life in China is difficult to say the least.  Some days just staying alive seems to be a challenge….will the bus hit me or will the pollution get me first?  I regularly go into the epicenter of bad air, Beijing, where the frequent  AQI of 500+ is apocalyptic to say the least.  But, business needs dictate, so off I go!  My new masks will be put to good use.   The breathing valve helps to not fog up my glasses and looks oh so fashionable as well.

In order to combat all that seriously unhealthy stuff we face daily, I am trying to take some steps to stay alive.  First, we only use bottled water. Okay, I use bottled water and Thom doesn’t–he has a stronger stomach than I do.  I even had to yell at Thom today to make sure that he washes our food with bottled water too.  No tap water ever passes my lips.  Ever.  Then, we have started buying fruits and vegetables from the online Western store that guarantees organic quality produce.  Who knows if it is really organic since I don’t trust anyone or anything in China but their food has got to be healthier than the van on the corner pedaling produce.  We also go to the gym in our apartment complex and we take lots of walks when the pollution isn’t too bad (again, our standards here are very low as anything below 150 AQI Unhealthy Level seems good to us now).

This week I got a cold and then life seemed very difficult indeed.  I worked from home today so I wouldn’t have to go through the commute which is difficult and where I probably got the cold in the first place from my millions of fellow commuters who hock and spray me with their DNA daily.  Thank goodness we have all the OTC meds you could want because you can’t get them here in China.  Someone today suggested I try Chinese Traditional Medicine (CTM) but no thank you!  The only time I tried CTM, I bled from a place that should not ever bleed.  Nuff Said.  I did end up going to a doctor eventually for my self-diagnosed bronchitis.  He barely spoke to me and told me to rest to get rid of it.  I laughed and asked for antibiotics and cough meds instead and he then grudgingly gave me a prescription.  I would love to just “rest” but I am on the road again next week to Beijing and Nanjing and need to get well fast.  Give me drugs that work quickly!!!

People say that in Shanghai there is nothing to do but smoke and drink and eat.  Not exactly a healthy lifestyle!  It’s hard to make friends when you are empty nesters like us.  I actually met another woman executive when I was waiting for Thom outside our massage place, Dragonfly, and she and her family seemed to be checking it out.   We had a nice talk (she’s an exec with Disney) and Thom actually has already gone out with her trailing spouse to play cards with some expats.  We also met another nice couple on the plane home from Vietnam and I look forward to getting to know the gal, who is another woman executive with a trailing spouse.  Go women executives in China -there are a few of us!  Of course, we go to Trivia Night at the Pub.  We really enjoy the crazy Brits that are in our group but healthy it is not—between the greasy pub food, alcohol and plentiful smoking, we come home and have to immediately strip our smelly clothes that have absorbed a pack of Marlboros.  Yuck!

Of course, the stress from living in China, being away from family and friends, working at a new job, etc. is tough on us as well.  We have started to go to church and that is helpful to me.  I have to remember to pray frequently and remember all my many blessings every day.  Some days are harder than others but it’s always better when I pray.

You know you’ve become a Shanghai local if:

1.  You schedule your entire day around your foot massage appointment and are a card-carrying VIP member with Dragonfly.  60 minutes of pure pain & pleasure.  Hot Damn!

2.  You don’t stare in horror at the man peeing into the shrubs on a busy street, his not-so-privates fully exposed to any and all passing by.  You just think to yourself, glad he’s not taking a crap ‘cause that would be really disgusting.  My standards are in the gutter and so is A LOT of urine.

3.  You are touched on your body by 10+ complete strangers in the course of a subway ride and it doesn’t bother you in the least.  A little hand sanitizer and off you go!

4.  The baristas at the local coffee shop greet you by name and ask about your CNY, which for most expats means exploring Asia.  For me, CNY was a quick trip to Vietnam.

5.  Lady selling fruit out of her van on the corner near your home recognizes you and greets you enthusiastically.  You feel guilty with the knowledge that you started buying organic fruit online instead of from her because you know her fruit comes from the polluted fields and has been sitting outside getting even more polluted by the minute.  The organic fruit is probably just as bad but you have to try to eat healthier food to make up for all the “foggy” air you breathe in.

6.  The Doorman lights up when he sees you get out of the minivan but then promptly groans as he lifts the five 75 pound suitcases filled with U.S. cheese and sausages and vitamins, oh my!   Best import–Girl Scout Cookies!!!

7.  You give your Ayi a key to your apartment so the plants won’t die and the dust doesn’t pile up while you travel all over the world and hope she enjoys trying on your clothes while you’re gone.

8.  A scooter almost hits you and your blood pressure doesn’t even rise…you just count yourself lucky and try to be more careful cause if you do get hit, you are SOL.  You know no one will help you, no ambulance will come and take you away so you better drag your ass over to the curb quickly before a bus finishes you off and pray you can hail a taxi to take you to one of the few Western-style emergency rooms, the address of which I’m considering getting tattooed on my chest just in case so it’s handy.

9.  You don’t even bother wearing an air mask until the AQI (Air Quality Index for those of you inhaling clean air who don’t have to track this type of thing to save your life) hits 150 or more.  Once again, our standards continue to slip—Seattle AQI is 20 or lower most days but here in Shanghai, anything less than “hazardous” is considered a beautiful day.

10.  The hocking sound of phlegm getting ready to take flight sounds like home…watch your step!

When the count got up to 8 people physically touching my body in the packed subway car this morning (one guy was actually sleeping standing up because, hey, no need to hang on to the pole when you’re packed in so tight), I thought it couldn’t get worse.  And then it did.

At my final stop,  a huge crowd surged to get on cutting off my escape.  I locked eyes with one sturdy gal, one of the many who was also fighting like Hell to get out of the subway car, and proceeded to grab on to her for use as my battering ram.  Did she mind that a crazy Laowai was physically touching her?  Probably but I prefer to think that she appreciated the additional brute force needed to move in the mob scene.  Teamwork in a time of need!  Shouting at the top of my lungs, “GETTING OFF!”  and not caring that they couldn’t understand a word I said because the surging masses could by God understand my no nonsense “GET THE F*&@  OUT OF MY WAY” tone and look, together she and I elbowed and pushed our way to safety.  Alone, we might still be in that subway car or trampled to death but together we provided enough critical mass to move forward.  Policeman were screaming at the crowd as the overcrowded train was barraged by more people trying to get on before others got off.   This experience on my first day back from our trip to the U.S. was by far the scariest moment of my commuting life so far in Shanghai and that’s saying a lot.  WELCOME HOME!